6 Loving Relationship Agreements

How to build a solid relationship foundation upon a few basic agreements?  When relating to one another, we need loving relationship agreements based on respect, real communication, reciprocity, harmony and cooperation. This is wonderful place to begin to come together as a couple.

What agreements can we make to ourselves and our partners about how we want the relationship to feel? How do we want to grow? What do we want to experience? And what specific agreements can we begin to commit to, as individuals and as couples, to strengthen our loving bond?

Try reading through these relationship agreements on your own, then with your partner.

(1) Flexibility Agreement

As a couple, we commit to being aware of conflicted thinking that leads to disagreements. We commit to practice more flexible thinking.  Neither one of us is the sole owner of the truth and we will both have our opinions on matters.  We commit to seeing the other’s point of view, even when it is different from our own.

(2) Real Communication Agreement

We agree to communicate and consult with each other to sort out problems in the relationship.  If we do seek external support, we agree not to use this support to put down the relationship or our partners.  When we do receive useful external feedback or support, we agree to bring it back into the relationship to discuss how we can create harmony.

(3) Consistency Agreement

We agree it's not a requirement of our relationship to share all of the same interests, tastes, preferences, or limits.  Just because one of us like romantic comedies or Japanese food does not mean the other one must like it.  We agree to accept that we will behave differently from one situation to the next depending on personal vulnerabilities or events.  What works one day may not work the next day, and we agree to accept that.  We will allow each other the space to think, feel, or behave differently  from day to day.

(4) Observing Limits Agreement

We agree that we are each responsible for setting our own personal limits, which are allowed to change from time to time.  When one of us is ill or experiencing significant distress, we agree to extend our limits for the time being to help the other until they recover.  We each have different limits for what we will tolerate from different people in our lives.  We agree to openly discuss and accept our limits with one another.

(5) Empathy Agreement

We commit to attempting to understand the other’s behavior, given the context of personal history, experiences, and abilities.  We agree to suspend judgmental attitudes and see what life must be like from the other’s perspective.  When we are faced with problematic behaviors, we agree to first attempt to interpret them in a loving way.

(6) Fallibility Agreement

We agree that, as fallible human beings, both of us will lose sight of these agreements on occasion.  Neither one of us is perfect.  When this happens, we agree to help one another come back to these agreements and continue to work towards building a loving relationship where we both feel heard, respected, and understood.

As you read through these six loving relationship agreements on your own or with your partner, what thoughts or feelings come up for you? How can you imagine these relationship agreements strengthening your bond as a couple?  Try reflecting on which of these agreements you believe would be most useful to your own relationship.