Self-Love, Self-Care and Self-Worth: Part 1

I promised myself that 2014 would be a year of self-love, self-care and self-worth. All the love and compassion I had given to others would be poured on to me. The reason? I committed to my personal growth and being more honest about myself, my fears, limitations and patterns so I could empower myself and break free from them. I knew that I wanted to be free from my past mistakes and choices and start a new cycle of freedom and expansion, which meant starting with the truth.

I became real with myself about other aspects of my life work, soul purpose, teaching, family. friendships, relationships and overall life balance. However, the first time I really got real with myself as a person, was when I acknowledged that I had become emotionally unavailable after my divorce and once I started on a journey of truth, I learned some uncomfortable but empowering things about myself.


I learned I needed to be more authentic and not pretend to be happier than I actually felt, because every false move I put out, was bringing more negativity and falseness into my life. Any wounds I was still licking, any secrets I was hiding, I attracted people who reflected that back to me.

If I wanted an emotionally available partner, I needed to be emotionally available, open and generous. If I expected honesty, I needed to be honest, even in the face of seeing, hearing, or doing things that may have caused me to be uncomfortable. This has meant that I’m not prepared to pretend for anyone. It doesn’t mean I’m running around creating conflict but actually, when you’re not pretending, it’s a lot more difficult for others to pretend around you. People value integrity, honesty and truth. At least emotionally healthy people do. As soon as I decided to practice truth like this on a daily basis, I felt relaxed and people around me felt relaxed too.

It's important to tune into how you feel, good, bad, or indifferent, and use that information to make healthy choices.

In the past, I’d know I felt bad by the butterflies in my stomach, the anxiety, discomfort, and a vague feeling that comes with catering to a pattern. When I’d ignore it, I’d continue to make poor choices and create more pain for myself.

At first it was quite uncomfortable being that honest with myself, especially as it meant that I’d have to get out of my comfort zone, but the rewards were pretty much immediate.

Self-Esteem Is A Choice

I chose to break free from a pattern from which I had overwhelming evidence was no good for me. I also realised that whatever excuses I made, what ever negative thoughts I pursued, I was 100% accountable for where I was at.

I’ve read dozens of books on self-esteem and the definition I like the most is this: Self-esteem is an image that we hold inside of us, that represents our beliefs about who we are, our abilities and our worth. It's the pictures we carry of ourselves. The pictures may not be true or how others view us, but it affects every aspect of our lives. Our self-esteem has great repercussions on how we think, how we communicate, our relationships, our careers and our goals for the future. We have a choice to make that image of our self-worth positive or negative.

You may come from a dysfunctional family. You may have been abused, neglected or constantly criticized. You may have even been teased or bullied at school because you were different. As children our emotional development is immature.

As adults it’s our choice now. Your sense of self-worth is your choice and it has always been your choice. Taking the time and taking care of you. Changing the way you feel about you. Not accepting the poor behavior of others, are choices you make every day.

Ask yourself – How much more of my life am I willing to spend feeling unhappy, unlovable and unworthy? Once you make that decision to think differently about yourself, you take action immediately. You make the changes and you implement them every day.

Attracting Respectful People

We attract respectful people into our lives with strong, healthy boundaries. There are going to be people in your life (family, friends, colleagues and partners) that are used to treating you in a less than how you deserve. You need to set up boundaries of acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior. If some people don’t respect those boundaries, then you have choices. You can communicate what you need to succeed with that person and work out a plan together or you can say goodbye to the people who do not value and appreciate you. There are consequences to treating you poorly and those consequences are – they don’t get to be a part of your life. If you don’t set boundaries then people will treat you according to their manners, principles and habits. This is your life – you set the standard.

Sometimes you have to start eliminating people that do not support your decisions and your boundaries. And you’ll find that you really aren’t missing anything by not having them around. Life is too short to spend energy on anyone or anything that makes you feel small and unfulfilled.

It's a very empowering to practice being 100% accountable and source your own basic requirements like love, care, trust, and respect.  When you control your thoughts and you control your actions and you are choosing to put you first and treat you in a loving and respectful way, you will see the rewards.

Being accountable doesn’t change the fact that others may have wronged you, taken advantage but there comes a point where we can either remain powerless or we can ask ourselves what is it that we need to do differently.

That’s difficult for a lot of people to hear. Even for me, I am breaking free of the pattern of blame.This level of growth requires tremendous energy, practice, courage and focus. In the end the supreme reward is being open, vulnerable, free and trustworthy. The reward is you becoming the source of your own joy and truth. How powerful is that?

Continue reading Self-Love, Self-Care and Self-Worth: Part 2

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